My friend Johnny is a glaciology grad student, a position that makes me deeply jealous for several reasons. For one, he gets to study glaciers, which kick as much ass as anything else in geology. For two, he gets to spend a couple months every summer at the West Washmawapta glacier in British Columbia, his gorgeous field site nestled high in the peaks west of Banff. For three, these long months in the field provide ample opportunity to produce parodies of music videos by slutty French pop stars. This is exactly what I want to do with my life.